We’ve had actress Meghan, princess Meghan, victim Meghan and multi-millionaire Montecito Meghan, so viewers could have been forgiven for wondering which Meghan they were going to get on Ellen DeGeneres’s sofa.
Was this going to be the Meghan of Tom Bradby fame, who tearfully nibbled her lip and told the world nobody had asked if she was okay? Or was it going to be the defiant Duchess who appeared on Oprah, boldly insisting that the racist royals had denied Archie a title because of the colour of his skin?
As she shared kooky stories about alighting her “very, very old” Ford Explorer Sport through the trunk when the driver’s door stopped opening, it soon became apparent that we were going to be treated to “cuddly Meghan”, the giggly girl next door in the £1,336 blouse.
‘Can you feel my powers?’
Notwithstanding the lack of explanation over why the 40-year-old royal could not have exited her old banger from the passenger door instead of clambering through the boot, this was Soccer Mom Megs, seemingly keen for a seraphic rebrand in the face of her toxic court case against the Mail on Sunday.
Only last week, we heard how the mother-of-two had premeditatedly addressed her father as “daddy” in a handwritten letter to “pull on the heartstrings” in case it was leaked.
Now it was Meghan’s turn to tug on the audience’s emotions by telling touching tales about Archie dressing up as a dinosaur for Hallowe’en and “Lili” as a skunk “like Flower from Bambi.” There was sadly no mention of what fancy dress aficionado Harry wore or indeed the whereabouts of the Windsor One, who was last spotted juggling in the background of another one of Meghan’s A-list speed dates with Melissa McCarthy. Harry, nicknamed “The Hostage” by palace staff, is “happy” in California, his wife insisted, pointing out the sunnier weather.