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Tuesday, December 7, 2021

The 50 best Christmas cracker jokes for 2021

17. What do reindeer hang on their Christmas trees? 

Horn-aments

18. What goes ‘Oh, oh, oh’?

Santa walking backwards

19. Did Rudolf go to school?

No, he was Elf-taught

20. Why did the turkey join the band?

Because it had the drumsticks

21. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite

22. What do snowmen wear on their heads?

Ice caps

23. How do snowmen get around?

They ride an icicle

24. What do you call an old snowman? 

Water

25. How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizzas?

Deep pan, crisp and even

26. Who hides in the bakery at Christmas? 

A mince spy

27. What do you call a cat in the desert?

Sandy Claws

28. What does Santa do with fat elves?

He sends them to an Elf Farm

29. What did Adam say to his wife on the day before Christmas?

It’s Christmas, Eve

30. How many letters are in the Christmas alphabet?

Twenty-five, because there’s “no L”

31. What carol is heard in the desert?

O camel ye faithful

32. What does Santa get when he’s stuck in the chimney?

Claus-trophobia

33. What athlete is warmest in winter?

A long jumper

34. What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations?

Tinsilitis

35. What’s the most popular Christmas wine?

“I don’t like Brussels sprouts”

36. What did the beaver say to the Christmas Tree?

Nice gnawing you

37. Why are Christmas Trees like bad knitters? 

They keep loosing their needles

38. What do you get if you cross a bell with a skunk?

Jingle Smells

39. What do you call a bunch of chess players bragging about their games in a hotel lobby? 

Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer

40. What’s green, covered in tinsel and goes ribbet ribbet?

Mistle-toad

41. Which famous playwright was terrified of Christmas?

 Noël Coward

42. What do you call a reindeer who can’t see? 

No-eye deer

43. How do you know if Santa is really a werewolf?

He has Santa claws

44. What did the stamp say to the Christmas card? 

Stick with me and we’ll go places

45. Why did no one bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on eBay? 

Because they were two deer

46. What does the Queen call her Christmas Broadcast? 

The One Show

47. What did Father Christmas do when he went speed dating? 

He pulled a cracker

48. Why don’t you ever see Father Christmas in hospital? 

Because he has private elf care

49. How did Mary and Joseph know that Jesus was 7lb 6oz when he was born? 

They had a weigh in a manger

50. Why is it getting harder to buy Advent calendars? 

Because their days are numbered


If you haven’t groaned enough already, read our roundup of the worst Christmas jokes ever. 

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