Christmas is all about dilemmas. Stick with turkey or go rogue with a goose, joint of beef or massive curry? Presents before lunch, so the children shut up about them, or after, so they learn basic patience and avoid getting gravy in their new PlayStation? Inflict bigoted Uncle Barnaby on your daughter’s polite new boyfriend during charades, or pair him with somebody who won’t consider his impressions hate crimes?
Tricky. For some people, though, the thorniest question arises not around Christmas Day, but in the week leading up to it: Should I tip people – the postman, the milkman, the binmen, anyone – at this time of year, or not? If so, who? And how much? And if that much, how should I do it? And if not money, what do I get them? And if I don’t do it at all, what are the consequences?
These are the dos and don’ts of Christmas tipping. Ignore them at your peril.
Do…
Consider whether anyone you know tips at Christmas. It’s a basic starting point, this. An exclusive poll of my WhatsApp friends and colleagues this morning suggested it is very much a generational thing, and feelings are extremely strong on either side (“Why on earth would I do that? It’s so patronising” versus “Of course, it’s Christmas…?”).
Don’t…
Be the one person on your street who doesn’t, however, no matter how much you think it’s archaic and people should just be paid properly. It is much, much better to be the one person who does than the one person who does not. The consequences could be brutal, and by brutal I mean frequently quite inconvenient.
Do…
Think carefully about who you’ll bestow some festive cash on. Common recipients include: the postman, the milkman, the binmen, the paperboy, maybe a cleaner if you have one. But where does it stop? What about the guy in Greggs who always remembers that you aren’t technically vegan but do prefer the vegan sausage roll? What about the local PCR test volunteers? What about the dry cleaner, who hauled you through wedding season?
For people who live in the countryside or in the Thirties, what about the coal and/or log man? For Jacob Rees-Mogg, what about the shoe-shine laddie, butler, nanny and pocketwatch repair man? This is becoming a whole separate Christmas budget. They can’t all get cash, can they? The answer is no.
Don’t…
Make too big a show of it, but if you’re going to do it, definitely do make sure everyone within half a mile knows you’re a lovely, philanthropic person who tips at Christmas. “GENTLEMEN, GOOD MORNING AND THANK YOU, AS EVER, FOR COLLECTING THE RUBBISH, RECYCLING AND GARDEN WASTE ON OUR STREET,” you can bellow, having waited for half an hour for the bin lorry to arrive. Speak like an actor performing in the round: really project, you need even the houses at the far end to hear. “NOW, IT’S CHRISTMAS, AS YOU WELL KNOW, AND SO MARY AND I WANTED TO GIVE YOU A LITTLE TOKEN OF OUR APPRECIATION, FOR ALL YOUR HARD WORK THIS YEAR. IT IS 20 POUNDS… IN CASH. Shared between you. GLAD TIDINGS, GLAD TIDINGS!” Then gently tuck the crisp note in the nearest collector’s top pocket. King of the road. They’ll never turn down your recycling bin for being over-filled in 2022 now.
Do…
Know your audience. Gifting everybody on your list Folio editions of One Hundred Years of Solitude is, objectively, a nice thing to do, and perhaps there are some book-lovers among your crowd. But they’d rather the cash, believe me. Or some wine, if they drink. If they don’t drink, revert to cash, and definitely don’t give them wine. In fact, you know what, just give everyone cash; it’s safer, and everybody likes cash. Pop a fiver in a cheap Christmas card. There, done.
Don’t…
Get into a competitive tipping match with your neighbours, however tempting it is. Things could get ugly and expensive – and very weird for the recipient, especially if the competition happens in person, each of you emptying your wallets and drinks cabinets in an effort to look more generous. So while making sure that everybody knows you’re tipping, also be discreet. Does that make sense? Well, think on it.
Do…
Be alert to messages. One colleague tells me her binmen lay the ground for tips (or that’s how it’s interpreted) by shouting, “Merry Christmas!” from the start of advent. That’s basically nudge theory in action. Others might lurk for that moment longer at the door after dropping off the Ocado delivery, or tell you how generous Number 11 were by leaving a £50 note in an envelope next to their empty bottles the other morning, or just do away with subtlety and put a “Christmas Tips” box on the counter for the whole of December. They’ll remember if you don’t, you know.
Don’t…
Overthink it. Too late, eh?
