Never again will these hypocrites take us for fools


If there’s one thing human beings cannot abide, it’s unfairness. This is not something that will easily blow over. Like me, you may find yourself feeling slightly sick at the thought that we were not, as advertised, all in this together. The Prime Minister’s unprincipled principal private secretary has handed a baseball bat to Labour, which they will use with relish. Downing Street said that Martin Reynolds has the PM’s “full confidence”. Well, he hasn’t got anybody else’s. Reynolds is a damn fool who should resign immediately, if he hasn’t done so by the time you read this.

As for Boris, with the Metropolitan Police now looking into this latest party, the PM is going to need a bigger bus to throw people under. We await the findings of Sue Gray, a senior Cabinet Office official, who is conducting a probe into allegations of No 10 rule-breaking events during the pandemic. If she finds that Downing Street staff did attend an illegal party and were “outside the home without a reasonable excuse”, then I reckon they should be fined, exactly as all those poor students were fined for the crime of being young and having a good time.

On May 20, 2020, as my calendar reminds me, I did as I was finally allowed to do. I dashed through the rain to a park where I saw my friend Lou for the first time in two months. Gosh, we wanted to hug each other so badly. Instead, we stood “at least two metres apart” and opened our arms wide in an imaginary embrace, grinning like idiots.

Actually, we were idiots. We know that now. Complete and utter fools. How stupid to feel so anxious that we might have misunderstood the rules and were doing something wrong (but we did). What madness to accept being told it was OK “to meet one person outside – provided you stay two metres apart” by our alleged betters who were throwing a boozy knees-up that very night. Never again.


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