Gregg Wallace has been doing the rounds recently, talking about Christmas. Perhaps you’ve missed this, so let me fill you in. Gregg has eight Christmas trees in his house (last year he had seven, which wasn’t enough). One in his bedroom, one in the sitting room, one in the hallway, one in the office, one in the TV room, one in the kitchen, and two in the annexe that is home to his in-laws. He can’t rule out more because he hasn’t looked in any of the other bedrooms.
Then there’s Christmas Day itself, when Gregg has his first alcoholic drink while opening the presents at 6.30am, then proceeds until a post-lunch session of Blankety Blank. The lunch is his wife’s responsibility. “I don’t even suggest helping out,” he explained. “My wife chooses not to work and says, ‘If it’s inside the front door, darling, it’s my responsibility.” No wonder he loves this time of year.
In this context, peeling a potato would have represented a Christmas adventure. But Gregg Wallace’s Grand Christmas Adventure (Channel 5) instead found our hero in Finnish Lapland, on a trip to see Father Christmas.
He loved everything. He loved the trees, the snow, the reindeer, the husky rides, the visit to Santa’s grotto, the opportunity to sit in a sauna beating himself with birch branches. The last one didn’t feel terribly Christmassy to me, but I’m not Finnish. And it provided an image of a shirtless Gregg and his Millwall chest tattoo that will remain long in the memory. Gazing out of the picture window from his tree house hotel bed, he worried: “Thing is, do you want to be naked on your bed? What if someone comes past?” And that’s how we know that Gregg doesn’t wear pyjamas.
His enthusiasm was endearing. Sometimes it feels as if Gregg takes up 80 per cent of the TV schedules, either on MasterChef (is a version of MasterChef ever not showing?) or Inside the Factory. I feel the need to refer to him by his first name, as if we’re on familiar terms.
And the programme was genuinely informative for anyone planning to visit with the kids, showing all the attractions – there is a “Santa’s Pizza & Burger” joint in Santa Claus Village – and spelling out the costs involved, which can be quite considerable.
A word of caution, though: do not let your young children watch this programme. Not unless you want them to know that reindeer aren’t just for Christmas, they’re also for lunch.
