Dear Prue, 

Over the past few years I have noticed that each Christmas my husband’s gift to me has been more and more modest. When the children were small, of course, it was all about them, and we’d exchange a bottle of scent, a pair of gloves or some other tacitly agreed-upon item. But while I have recently tried to up my game, choosing precious materials and luxury brands, he has stayed firmly in the mainstream, and steered consistently south of the £50 line. I know it’s not really about gifts, but I’d like him to think about it a little more – and of course if I go back to steering him that would defeat the object of the exercise. Should I just get used to it?

– Vicky, via email

Dear Vicky,

My first husband was a generous man but not much good at presents. It’s far worse to get an expensive present you don’t like than something cheap and useful. But, like you, I didn’t like it. I eventually solved the problem by buying my own presents, often with my own money, which I’d gift wrap and provide a gift tag for. Then I’d hand him the tag and a pen and tell him to write a thoughtful loving message! Which he did, and I still treasure those cards. This gave me the pleasure of something I really liked, I could boast to my friends that it was his lovely present to me, he’d be surprised and pleased at what he’d given me (and delighted to have avoided Christmas shopping) and I’d have something loving and sentimental to keep. Do you think that would work for you?

The truth is you don’t really care about the money, it’s the lack of thought and the apparent non-caring way he goes about it, seemingly unaware of the nice things you have bought him. Which brings me to my next point: give up on the expensive brands. He obviously doesn’t even notice them. Designer brands are for people who need to be noticed. I rather admire the fact that he doesn’t!

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