BP and Shell

The two giants of the energy industry face an uncertain future as we all trade in our petrol cars for electric alternatives. Both are working furiously to transform themselves into green energy providers, and end their reliance on fossil fuels.

But that would surely be a lot easier if you put the two together.

A combined giant could merge the legacy oil and gas infrastructure, run it down as profitably as possible, and spin out the wind and solar power units into new companies with far brighter futures. Amid so much change, it might even sneak past the competition authorities.

Tesco and Carrefour

We all know the French supermarket chain is effectively in play, with one bid from its rival Auchan already rebuffed, and another one reportedly on the way.

But hold on. Why not a merger with Tesco instead? With their vast scale and lock on the mid-market, they are very similar businesses, and a merged pan-European grocery chain would have huge buying power and operating efficiencies.

Sure, the French government would never allow a full-scale British takeover, especially in an election year (quelle horreur!) But it just might allow a merger of equals, so long as it was guaranteed that the chairman was always from the other side of the Channel.

Barclays and Credit Suisse

Both banks have developed an unfortunate habit of losing leaders in unhappy circumstances.

In November, Jess Staley left Barclays after details of his links to Jeffrey Epstein emerged. Last week, the former Lloyds boss António Horta-Osório left Credit Suisse after Covid breaches were revealed.

Whoever takes charge of either seems to be doomed one way or the other. And yet, in many ways they are natural partners. Both have major investment and wholesale banking units, and a strong presence in wealth management, and they are both big players in major European economies outside the EU.

A London-Zurich bank would be a genuine global player – and might have a bit more luck keeping hold of a chief executive or chairman for more than five minutes.

GSK and Unilever

Forget about Unilever buying the consumer unit from the drugs giant. That deal is deader than a Monty Python parrot. But there could yet be a twist to the saga, Unilever’s £50bn offer for the rival business was not just easily rejected, but has turned the spotlight on its own failings.

After a successful demerger, Dave Lewis, the former Tesco boss set to chair the GSK consumer goods company, could turn around and buy Unilever.

Sure, it would cost some money – Unilever is valued at £90bn – but he did a brilliant job of turning around the grocery chain, he used to work for Unilever so he knows the business, and shareholders would surely be relieved to be shot of its woke, failing management, and the constant stream of corporate gobbledygook that it uses to cover up dismal sales.

True, none of those deals may happen. Each one would cost vast sums of money. None of them would easily be passed by competition regulators. And yet, with the mega-deal back in vogue they are all compelling possibilities – and one or two of them could be on the cards.