Perhaps I am alone in this, but I feel sorry for Gavin Williamson. An awful lot of people seem to think that the poor man doesn’t deserve his knighthood, because, in their opinion, he’s a clueless, blundering imbecile.

Personally, I think this is very unfair – even if it happens to be true. Incompetent politicians may irk and frustrate us. But, in my view, we need them – because they have an absolutely crucial role to play.  

First of all, there is the small matter of democracy. Yes, some of our MPs are idiots. But then, some members of the public are idiots, too. And they have just as much right to democratic representation as anyone else.

In our modern world, we all recognise the importance of diversity, and agree that the House of Commons has a duty to reflect the country it serves. And so, just as we must have MPs from all faiths, ethnicities and social classes, it stands to reason that we must have MPs of all levels of aptitude and intellectual ability. From the dazzlingly astute right the way down to the bellowingly dim.

This approach may have occasional drawbacks. An exams fiasco here, a bungled ferries contract there. None the less, we must persevere. Because imagine, just for a moment, what life would be like if all our politicians were intelligent.

It may seem a nice idea on paper. But in reality it would be a nightmare. Because the intelligent would act solely in the interests of the intelligent. Think of Orwell’s Animal Farm. The most intelligent animals, the pigs, have total power over the less intelligent. And the result is a cruel and hellish tyranny. The former enslave the latter. Quite clearly, the pigs could never have exploited the sheep, cows and horses in this appalling fashion if the sheep, cows and horses had been properly represented on the farm’s ruling committee.

This is a lesson that is well understood by our own Prime Minister. Boris Johnson is an intelligent man. But he has always taken great care to ensure that his Cabinet contains a generous contingent of dolts and nitwits. The strategy has often attracted criticism, but I for one find it heartening. It shows that he is a true democrat.

So let us have no more of this heartless sneering at the less intelligent of our politicians. Instead of fixating on their foul-ups and debacles, let us focus on the positives, praising them when, for example, they successfully tie their shoelaces, or give a speech while facing in the right direction.

By the same token, let us all congratulate Sir Gavin on his good news. His story should be an inspiration to our children. Because if he can get to the top, anyone can.

Down with poutine

Right across the Western world, businesses big and small are determined to do their bit in the fight against Russia. The latest example is a restaurant in the Canadian state of Quebec, where the official language is French. It’s decided to rename one of its most popular dishes – because, to the ears of French-speakers, “poutine” sounds exactly like “Putin”.

In a statement, the restaurant announced that poutine would henceforth be listed on the menu as “fries-cheese-gravy”, in reference to its three core ingredients. The decision, it explained, had been taken to convey the restaurant’s “profound dismay over the situation in Ukraine”.

These are noble sentiments. Then again, it’s hard to help recalling the words of Peter Cook’s senior RAF officer in Beyond the Fringe. “We need a futile gesture at this stage. It will raise the whole tone of the war.”

While the origins of poutine are Canadian, the dish is also eaten in France. As it happens, the name has been causing controversy there, too.

Maison de la Poutine – a restaurant with branches in Paris and Toulouse – says that, since Russia invaded Ukraine, it has received insults and threats from members of the public. As a result, its owners have been anxious to make clear that the restaurant has no links with the leader of Russia.

“Poutine was created by passionate cooks who wanted to bring joy and comfort to their customers,” said a spokesman. “Maison de la Poutine has worked since its first day to perpetuate these values and today brings its most sincere support to the Ukrainian people who are courageously fighting for their freedom against the tyrannical Russian regime.”

This statement, however, may not be enough. Until the owners of this restaurant follow the example set by their counterparts in Canada, I fear that further misunderstandings are inevitable.

“Mon cher Jean-Claude, we must visit this delightful little bistro in town. I hear it serves poutine.”

“It serves Putin? After all the misery he has wrought upon the people of Ukraine? This is a disgrace. I am going straight down there to give the owner a piece of my mind. And if Putin himself is there, I will not be held responsible for my actions.”

‘Way of the World’ is a twice-weekly satirical look at the headlines while aiming to mock the absurdities of the modern world. It is published at 7am every Tuesday and Saturday