I knew before the war that I would not leave Kharkiv. When my colleagues, realizing the degree of danger, discussed options for action, I only tried to protect my family. But it turned out that my city turned out to be the safest for all of us. Since the beginning of the war, I have been in Kharkiv, living and working. This is my own choice. And this is my usual day in a city that Russian troops have been shelling for two months, but which they have never been able to capture.

For more than two months I fall asleep and wake up on the floor. At first it was the floor of my own room on the 7th floor of my house, later it was the room next door, now it is the floor in my friend’s apartment. One bedroom apartment where I live with my sister and mother.

Recently, the first awakening is at 5:30. At this hour, either an air alarm is triggered or artillery fire is heard – loud or not very loud. Then, through a dream of a peaceful life, I return to war. I remember why shots were heard in my city.

Shots were fired at almost everyone in Kharkiv. Artillery, multiple rocket launchers, mines, air defense. “Outputs” and “inputs”. Some may even determine the distance at which they shoot. Shells are often heard hovering overhead. Back and forth, like artillery playing badminton. And your head – instead of a grid. This rustle immediately becomes scary.

My day begins with the construction. Exactly which areas came under fire and the number of shellings. If there are less than two dozen of them a day, then, I think, it was quiet.

Since the beginning of the war, Kharkiv has survived “Caliber” missile strikes, air strikes using unguided high-explosive bombs FAB-500, “Grady”, “Hurricanes”, and artillery. Delayed mines, designed to destroy the enemy’s manpower, were found by Kharkiv residents on the doorstep in the morning.

Sitting in the kitchen in the morning, while everyone is asleep, I listen to distant explosions. Even the windows sometimes tremble.

The first week after our move, the neighbors were restless. The elderly couple made it a rule to wake us up around 8 am. Humanitarian aid is brought to the yard several days a week. Broilers frozen on stone, bread, often stale, and a few apples. The queue at the entrance is occupied by people from 6 am to 7 am.

So the neighbors, worried about filling our refrigerator, took our turn. At 8 o’clock the intercom began to ring insistently. Until someone answers.

I had to explain that we will do grocery shopping on our own. There are several grocery stores near the house. At the beginning of the war, prices in the city jumped. An ordinary loaf of bread, which in peacetime cost only 16 hryvnias, was sold for 30 hryvnias. And the first food kits of the average customer reached thousands – one and a half for one visit to the store.

There are not many buyers now. Take the essentials. Well, if there is a pension. Those who have lost their jobs and spent their savings can only count on volunteers.

The cost of products has leveled off, and our average check is UAH 150-200. There are terminals in the shops. If you get up early, there is a chance to even cash some of the funds on the card. The range includes all basic products, cereals, vegetables, meat and sausages.

In the ranks with alcohol – red ribbons, sale is prohibited. And it doesn’t stop fans from leaning. There is a couple standing next to me, in my fifties. “Where did you find it? When did you manage? We just left?”, – the wife of the husband reports. He is silent, sullenly holding a shopping cart in both hands. There is a faint smell of alcohol nearby.

In addition to alcohol, freshly baked bread remains the most desirable. You can make a living in large supermarkets, which have their own bakeries. However, we still have to get there.

Public transport ran only in the first days of the war. Currently, the stops are empty, some with broken glass, and their benches are covered with a thick layer of dust.

Some people choose to walk. This saves money, but in the event of chaotic shelling is dangerous. Happier car owners. Today, mobility offers benefits.

There is a taxi in the city. The price is relatively affordable. There are those who go to dangerous areas – Pivnichna Saltivka, the village of Zhukovsky, Pyatihatky – the areas where the most shootings are now.

Denis (name changed) is just like that. Former athlete. He took the family to a safe place in the beginning. He returned to Kharkiv. He asks me for a few minutes to talk to the woman on my porch. I already know on the way – he is a volunteer. Helps only women with small children. He says they need support the most now.

He has a whole list of contacts on his phone. Mothers sitting in bomb shelters or basements, mothers with children in the subway. Gets everything from rare baby formulas not found in stores to diapers. The day route with orders is trying to build so as to bring the necessary help.

Today I’m heading to the center. Has not been here since the beginning of the war. I saw the shooting from “Kalibri” of the regional administration only on social networks. The building is visible through, there are no ceilings in the right wing. The blockages were dismantled here for about twenty days. Now everything is clean in front of the main entrance.

Freedom Square, once the most crowded place in peacetime, is now empty. Cars drive through the central streets. And magnolias bloom in Shevchenko’s garden. Big, pink, amazing.

We met at the flowerbed. We both take photos. Public utilities plant multi-colored bushes, they say – it’s a viola, a flower of the genus violets. Despite the war, Kharkiv flower beds look as usual. The city council reports on the work of public utilities and planted trees and flowers every day.

“I have a lot of friends in Russia, I graduated in physics, Karazinsky (VN Karazin Kharkiv National University – Ed . ). I will send them these flowers and tell them – you have peace, yes, and you have no flowers. we have, look what a beauty. And you think whether you can send or not. What do you think? And so I send them all the broken houses. ”

This woman’s name is Taisiya. I see her for the first time in my life, but she embraces me with a sincerity that is only possible in such dark times. We are from the same district.

In a short dialogue with a new acquaintance managed to find out who from which house. Taisiya recently moved to the center. Before that they lived in the basement. At first it was the basement of his own high-rise building, later – his son’s. Taisiya says – it’s more convenient there, everything is better arranged.

Our district is on the outskirts of the city. This is a science town separated from Kharkiv by a forest park.

He was first shot at on March 6. During the shelling, one of the missiles hit a store full of people. Four were killed and 15 others were injured. The next was on the evening of March 10. I well remember this roar of “arrival”, as if the sky was falling on you. The light went out almost immediately. The Russians aimed at the transformer substation.

Subsequently, we lost the number of hits. The neighborhood was left without electricity and water. The shops were almost closed. Volunteers began to bring food and medicine. Water – firefighters. Taisiya left the village after the second wave of evacuation.

And in the first days I rushed to photograph flowers in central parks. Now, he says, they visited the market and drank coffee. We disperse to the sounds of airborne alarm.

The siren sounds above the center, and I have a phone. The “Alarm” program, which has been in place since the beginning of the war, recommends going to the shelter with another update by the voice of Presidential Adviser Oleksiy Arestovych.

Be attentive, and do not need to leave the house or shelter, do not ignore the sirens. Such recommendations from the regional military administration are heard daily. It is impossible to calculate exactly where the Russians will strike. Consequently, there are no safe areas as such. Although most still get to the neighborhood. The North Saltivka district is currently the most destroyed.

I’m waiting for danger in one of the entrances. The main thing is to remember the rule of two walls and not to stand in front of a metal door. Their fragments are stitched at once.

After the shelter, the next point of the route is a street cafe.

Coffee on the street, while walking or on a bench in the park – a taste of peaceful life. The townspeople talk about a desperate man who brings such a peaceful life to Saltivka under fire.

But there is a place in Kharkiv that has already become a cult during the war. It was here that the first street cafe appeared at the beginning of the war. Now they are here – one after another. They have refrigerators with sparkling water and desserts. Make an American, espresso or cappuccino in a few minutes. You can pay not only in cash. Everyone has terminals here.

Dmitry has been working here for about a month. Makes coffee from 7 am to 7 pm. He says that he is protected by the armed forces of Ukraine, and the clients want peace and tranquility the most.

Almost every day of my life ends with conversations with friends who have left Kharkiv. They are calling, worried about what was found in the telegram channels. They want to know whether Kharkiv is really destroyed or whether they are still firing. But most often they ask – when will they be able to return.

According to Kharkiv city authorities, a third of the population left the city at the end of March. And after two months of war, about 20% of houses are not subject to restoration. So the authorities began to create a new master plan of the city. So that those who left had a place to return to.

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