Dear Richard, 

I wouldn’t say my flatmate is untidy, but he is profoundly absent minded. He’s forever losing keys and leaving doors and windows open. During the run up to Christmas he went to bed leaving a scented candle on near a frond of pine we had draped across the mantelpiece and I was lucky to catch it before it caught fire.

He’s a lovely guy in most ways and whenever we have talked to him about these episodes he has been hugely apologetic. But we don’t want him to be sorry, we want him to get better at this stuff. Is there any concrete advice we can give him to that end?

– Rowan, London W11

Dear Rowan, 

I don’t know about concrete advice: I think it’s a concrete ultimatum that’s called for here.

If you were my daughter I’d be strongly tempted to read the riot act to this buffoon myself. I’d explain to him in words of one syllable that living in shared accommodation involves some basic and blindingly obvious responsibilities to the group as a whole.

Security. All those missing keys. Where are they? Who might have got hold of them? Why does he repeatedly leave windows and doors gaping open? Your flatmate is obviously clueless about all of this and that’s not because he’s forgetful; it’s because he simply doesn’t care.

Fire risk. It sounds like he’s a menace. As you say, if you hadn’t been last to bed on Scented Candle Night you might all have woken up in swirling, choking smoke. Or not woken at all.

The time for sheepish “aw shucks” apologies is well past.You say he’s a “lovely guy” and I suppose you want to maintain a friendly atmosphere at home. But your safety comes first – and anyway you’re not being a great friend to this guy by allowing him to persist in his lackadaisical ways.

Obviously I don’t know the details of your lease, but most rental agreements will contain a few clauses relating to maintenance of the property. I suspect he’s already breached at least two of these. Call a meeting of all your flatmates and tell this guy he’s on probation – a final warning. One more stupid, lazy infraction of fundamental house rules and he’ll be out on his backside. Remember to get his keys back off him if it comes to this – if he can find them. Otherwise, he can leave via one of those open windows, can’t he?

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