Dear Richard,
My father remarried when I was 11 and moved to Australia, where he continues to live with his second wife. I am his only child, now in my 50s; I have a stepsister a little older than me.
Dad has made me executor of his will and has now informed me that he has entered into an agreement for a reverse mortgage – what we would call equity release. He is in his 70s but is in good health, as is my stepmother, and I hope and expect they will live a long life.
I’m a single mum and my own financial situation is rather more precarious than I had hoped it would be. I feel badly let down: Dad often pleaded poverty when I was growing up and didn’t give my mother much money; he then used part of a generous inheritance from his mother to start a business that failed.
The house he and my stepmother live in is hers; my understanding was that it would go to her daughter, but they have had a difficult relationship, and I suspect the decision to release equity has been triggered by some terminal breakdown between them.
Since the house is not going to her, it seems they’ve decided, ‘OK, we’ll spend it all ourselves,’ and obviously that decision is theirs to make. But I could have really done with a bit of support from my father and I want to challenge his decision. Can you help me plan what to say?
– Susan, Carlisle
Dear Susan,
I’m truly sorry that you find yourself in such financial difficulties. But I think it best I don’t pussyfoot around. The blunt truth is you have absolutely no claim on your stepmother’s house. Even if it were in your father’s name or owned jointly, you are correct in saying that he and his wife can do exactly what they like with it.
You believe their estrangement from your stepsister may lie behind their decision but, with respect, you don’t know that, do you? Neither are you privy to the state of their finances. This decision may have been forced on them by circumstances. Does your father have a pension? If his business venture collapsed, maybe not. You ask me how to word a challenge to his decision. I think that would be giving you bad counsel – because you don’t really have grounds to make such a challenge.
My advice is this: write to your father and be completely frank about your money worries. Ask him directly if he can help you out, now or in the future. If he is newly flush with funds from this ‘reverse mortgage’, perhaps he can steer some towards you to ease your difficulties.
But be wary of communicating a sense of grievance or entitlement. However you feel about his lack of support in the past, that’s between him and your mother as much as, or more than, you.
I genuinely sympathise with your frustration and disappointment at the way things have turned out, but if you imply that your father has something to feel guilty about, I suspect it will backfire on you. Tread carefully.
