Couples who say they never argue may have just made a tacit agreement not to face up to their problems. But not discussing them at all can build resentment and lead to passive-aggression, Chalmet warns. This is when we start to bicker and, while barnstorming rows can have their uses, bickering is rarely helpful. “No-one has ever said ‘when my wife bickers at me, that’s when I try and change’,” observes Chalmet drily. 

We might think we’re only bickering about small things (the way he drives, or the obviously incorrect way she loads the dishwasher), but these apparently minor causes can often stand in as proxies for deeper frustrations. “Very often what people row about isn’t actually the [underlying] problem,” says Ammanda Major, a counsellor at Relate. “So arguing about who is going to clean up the cat sick or who is going to put the bin out can be a way of diverting anger and upset into a more trivial matter from something that is quite serious.”

Rather than saying to our partner “can we please talk because I’m feeling really unhappy about something”, it’s easier to have a row because they forgot to buy milk on the way home, she says. 

But what about if we’re arguing about really big things instead; politics, say, or religion? (Or the fact he thinks West Yorkshire is not a real county?) 

Being poles apart on significant questions shouldn’t by definition be a problem, the experts say; it’s more about how we deal with our differences of opinion. “If one person is saying ‘you must agree with me’, I’d say: ‘Why is it important your partner agrees with you on something like [politics or religion]?’” says Major. “For some couples, if you don’t agree with me, that means you don’t love me or trust my judgment when actually it’s just a difference of opinion.”

When it comes to more practical matters, such as how to parent our children or where to live, that’s when listening and compromise has to come in. Or, as Major puts it, remembering “you can’t get all of what you want all of the time”.

One big no-no, though, is airing your dirty laundry in front of others. Arguing in front of family or friends won’t just make them feel intensely uncomfortable; it is also not healthy for the couple themselves, says Chalmet, who suggests it may happen when someone is feeling hurt and “trying to muster support from the outside”. Likewise it’s never appropriate to humiliate your partner in front of other people, cautions Major. “That gets you nowhere.” Far better to find a safe way to hear each other out in private, whether at home or after scheduling a walk to talk things through.

The experts emphasise there is no one size fits all rule when it comes to rowing. The style and frequency of a couple’s arguments will generally depend on what works best for them. But if the “two rows a month” rule sounds somewhat random, there is perhaps a better formula for a happy married life. According to the Gottman Institute, which takes a research-based approach to relationships, there is a specific ratio that makes love last: if for every negative interaction during conflict, a marriage has five or more positive interactions, then it is likely to remain stable and happy.