Dear Richard, 

For years it’s been a standing joke in our family that one of my mother’s colleagues is in love with her. He and his wife have been round for dinner many times – I think they all even went away together while I was at university.

I’m back living at home now and yesterday I walked in on them in what looked to me a pretty compromising situation (her in a dressing gown, him downstairs reading the paper, very much at ease then not so much when he saw me). 

I went off to my room and we haven’t spoken about it since – Dad came home from work and we had a normal evening. But I feel like I ought to ask her if anything is going on, and what if anything Dad knows. I realise this is their business but it’s my family too – should I get involved?

– P, via email

Dear P, 

In a word, no. In two words, definitely not. In three: are you mad? You’d be safer going to a fireworks party carrying an open bucket of petrol. Sticking your nose into your mum’s affairs (literally, you suspect) not to mention your dad’s business is to invite certain and spectacular catastrophe.

Anyway, what evidence have you got to go on? This guy was downstairs reading a newspaper; your mother was in her dressing gown. So what? If you’d seen him coming out of your parents’ bedroom in a state of undress, that’d be grounds for suspicion, I grant you. But taking his ease at the kitchen table with a crossword and a Rich Tea biscuit is hardly up there with Don Juan, is it?

If they’ve known each other for as long as you say, they would be relaxed in each other’s company, wouldn’t they? And if your mother was having an affair, why on earth would she conduct it in the house where her son routinely comes and goes?

P, I think you’re putting two and two together and getting five. Don’t ask your mother anything about this and for everyone’s sake – especially yours – don’t mention a word of it to your dad. 

Remember: petrol, fireworks.

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