Just before ministerial questions, a Labour whip appeared with half-a-dozen yellow and blue ribbons and ordered the shadow frontbench to put them on. The Government looked furious. Why didn’t they think of ribbons?

Thankfully, they do have Liz Truss, who might eat cheese but is no surrender monkey. When the Russians threatened to go nuclear over the weekend, they said they wouldn’t give the name of the person who rubbed them up the wrong way, “although it was the British foreign minister”.

Ms Truss told an interviewer that she would support Brits who want to go to fight for the Ukrainians, which also stoked the blood of several Tory MPs who not only know the Charge of the Light Brigade off by heart – they’re old enough to remember the battle.

On the Labour benches, meanwhile, Chris Bryant waved over the whip. “Where’s my ribbon?” he seemed to say. I’ve run out, was the answer. Bryant appeared to mime “sew me another one”.

“Putin must lose!” Truss told the House. She favoured the “complete degradation” of the Russian economy; she has a “hit list” of oligarchs to do it. What does Labour have? Ribbons and David Lammy, who limply agreed with Liz – and got lost in the middle of praising Kenya. How does an Opposition shine in war, beyond putting out flags? The Foreign Secretary took questions from MPs who had spent the weekend consulting their own top sources (Twitter), and things descended even further into impotent pomposity.

“No one now likes oligarchs,” said Labour’s Barry Sheerman – though the queue to marry one is long and winding – “but can I suggest,” and one could tell nothing was going to stop him, “that there’s some very important [Russians in London] and they are actually very influential on Putin.” Could Liz perhaps “consult with them as a way of getting a voice of experience and reason to Putin in order that we can get a … peaceful resolution?”

Bizarre.

Mark Pritchard, a Conservative, told the Foreign Secretary that he’d spent the weekend “on the phone to the US Congress, as she might expect” – though rumour has it he got no further than a very confused lady on the switchboard. As for Mr Bryant, who finally got his ribbon, and arranged it prominently on his lapel, he demanded to know why more wasn’t being done on sport or sanctions, or sending Russian diplomatic staff home, which was cruel because most of them would rather stay here. There’s no Harrods in Moscow. And democracy, with all its theatrical silliness, is preferable to Putin, who doesn’t take questions.

Does the Foreign Secretary agree with me, asked the Tory Alec Shelbrooke, that the sanctions regime should stay in place “until every inch” of Ukraine is free, “including Crimea?” Her reply? “Yes.”

So, it seems we are committed not only to stopping an invasion but reversing the territorial changes of 2014, which bodes for a very long and unpleasant conflict. As for the ribbons, they started popping up over the Chamber like chicken pox. Laugh, but we’ll all have to wear them by the end of the week. It’ll be a condition of travel on the tube.