Dear Richard, 

I think I’ve destroyed my wife’s soft stuffed seal, a cherished childhood toy and a much-loved companion that she still brings out of retirement if I’m away. We have hand-washed it several times, following rigid protocols, but it does tend to get a bit tired-looking after a while.

As a surprise while she was away visiting her family, I thought I would give her seal a wash as a treat. I was confident I could do so safely – too confident, it turned out. Now it has lost its texture, not to mention one of its eyes. The stuffing has gone lumpy. It doesn’t even look particularly clean.

I believe she will understand that I meant well, though it may take a while for her to concede that. What worries me is the totemic importance of this toy, especially given her far from happy childhood. I’m sure I can find a good repairer but (a) not before she gets back and (b) I am not sure it’ll ever be the same again. Should I just come clean?

– Andy, via email

Dear Andy, 

We only have to look at the home life of our own dear Prime Minister to be reminded that honesty really is the best policy. Delays, evasions, obfuscations – they can all come back to bite us. Seals, I understand, are capable of delivering a particularly nasty chomp so I wouldn’t mess with this one if I were you, cuddly toy or not.

A bit of humour wouldn’t go amiss when you break the bad news to your beloved. Perhaps you could go with the childhood theme and wrap it up in a rhyme? ‘I worry this will make you grumpy/But your toy seal has gone all lumpy…’ OK, maybe not.

The key thing is that you source a top toy restorer. Have a definite date marked on the calendar so your wife knows you really mean to fix this. And I agree with you, Andy: unless she needs a sense-of-proportion transplant, she’ll understand you meant well and are determined to make amends. I really wouldn’t lose too much sleep over this. Worse things happen at sea. To real seals, too.

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