Dear Richard,
I have two children at primary school. The older one has been doing the Second World War as a topic and it’s all been quite jolly, dressing up as evacuees and so on.
My own mother got out of Germany by the skin of her teeth; her grandparents were murdered at Birkenau. For as long as I can remember I knew at least something of what had happened to the Jews of Europe (among other persecuted communities). It inevitably cast a shadow over my childhood; and it made the sense my contemporaries had of it as a kind of game seem trivial and distasteful. However I suppose now I appreciate having been told the truth.
In the coming years I want my children to know what happened to their ancestors – partly because discrimination and persecution seem to be on the rise in the here and now. But I also want them to be happy. Do you have any thoughts on this?
– Sarah, London N7
Dear Sarah,
I completely understand your sensitivity and hesitation over how to proceed with this. The Holocaust was one of the most atrocious crimes ever committed and it happened within living memory. You are quite right to think carefully about how – and if – to tell your children about their immediate family’s direct experience of genocide.
But I wonder if I am the right person to ask. From your letter it’s not clear how important Jewishness is in your life today. But there’s a huge range of people, some observant, some barely conscious of this aspect of their heritage, whose forbears died in, or were scarred by, the Holocaust.
As you point out, other groups were singled out for persecution as well. There will be a deep pool of shared experience and advice out there. Even if you’re not at all religious, you could try talking to your local rabbi: I’m sure he or she would be happy to point you in the right direction.
However you have asked me, so here’s what I think. I definitely believe your children should know their family history. It’s partly why they are here, isn’t it? Your mother’s narrow escape from the murderous Nazis; the subsequent life choices she made. And of course your own world view, formed and shaped in the long shadows cast by the not-so-distant past.
You, and families like yours, have an incredibly important story to tell, especially (as you yourself say) in a world where discrimination and persecution continue to menace. It was Spanish philosopher George Santayana who first coined the aphorism: ‘Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.’ Churchill later said something very similar.
As to timing, I actually think the fact your older child is involved in a school project about the Second World War presents a near-perfect opportunity for you to gently introduce the subject of your own family story from that time.
If she’s dressing up as an evacuee, I’d start with her grandmother’s flight from Hitler’s Germany. I’m sure she’ll be fascinated. Then you can gently explain the reason why your mother needed to get out. Go easy on the detail; there’ll be plenty of time for that as your children grow older. But I honestly can’t see a single reason why you shouldn’t make a start now, Sarah.
