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Game theory is a mathematical method of analysis that allows you to clearly predict the consequences of actions, including romantic ones. Fateful meetings, love at first sight, the secrets of successful long-term relationships are perfectly described by game theory.
In order not to be unfounded, let’s go through the common situations that each couple experiences, and analyze them from the point of view of mathematics. The result will be an absolutely accurate understanding of how to act in order to win the love game.
When you can agree to have sex on the first date
This is one of the most common dilemmas that girls ponder when they meet, as they think, the man of their dreams.
How does it happen
On the one hand, the man is beautiful, the first date is simply magical, you are so fascinated with each other that an intimate continuation of the rendezvous seems more than natural, but … What if, if sex happens so quickly, the man will think that the girl is too available and will be disappointed in her ? Okay. But if you pretend to be touchy, what if he decides that the girl is too old-fashioned and boring?
Which option should be preferred if each of them can be equally winning and losing?
The standard advice given in such cases is: “Act as your heart tells you.” However, this is not true.
What Game Theory Says
British economists (yes, economists!) Found out why it is more profitable for a woman to prolong the period of courtship, postponing the first sex until later. And it was game theory that helped them in this.
The researchers looked at what strategies men and women choose during the courtship stage. Actually, courtship was viewed as a game in which sex is considered a gain for a man, and sex with a “good” man, caring and responsible, with whom one can count on a long-term relationship, among other things.
After analyzing the strategies, scientists have come to a generally predictable conclusion. “Good” men, on average, tend to courteous longer than “bad guys” – those who view a woman exclusively as a sexual object and a way of self-affirmation (another star on the fuselage).
This means that it is more profitable for a girl aimed at a serious relationship to postpone sex.
So she gets two benefits at once. First, she has time to understand exactly what type her man is. Secondly, bad partners are eliminated by themselves at the stage of protracted courtship. This means that if a man went on three or four platonic dates, the chance that he is good increases.
Here, however, it is worth making an important remark. The above model reflects only one of the variants of the game, where a long-term relationship is a win for a woman. If the girl is aiming at a different gain, for example, a passionate holiday romance without claims to continue, the situation changes. In this case, there is no point in stretching the courtship period, so sex on the first date is quite reasonable.
It is only important to understand what exactly is a win for you. And then the puzzle will come together.
Which is better: scandal or forgive
The Huffington Post reviewed a situation of misunderstanding, sooner or later arising between partners, and brought out the option of its most bloodless and mutually beneficial solution.
How does it happen
Imagine the situation: Friday, at 18:30, and at 20:00 you have a date. For his sake, you have already turned down offers to spend an evening with friends or family. After returning home from work as soon as possible, you took a shower and now stand in front of the closet, wondering what to wear.
The person you go on a date with is important to you, you want to impress him, so choose your outfit carefully. Moreover, you have ordered a table in the best restaurant in the city, you have been waiting for this day since Monday and now you are looking forward to a meeting.
At this moment, the smartphone tinkles. “Sorry, I can’t talk. There is a blockage at work, let’s meet another time, I’ll call you back later.
Disappointment, resentment, even anger – that’s how you feel at this moment. What’s next? It seems that there are only two options.
- Angrily tell your partner what you think about him and your ruined evening. However, this option is fraught with a breakdown in relations if the partner refuses to admit guilt and apologize.
- Despite the rage raging in my soul, pretend that nothing special has happened. “Blockage? Of course, I understand, we’ll meet another time. ” But this option also has risks: if you repeatedly forgive such disregard for your interests, in the end you will be put on your neck.
So what should you do so as not to infringe upon yourself and not jeopardize the relationship?
What Game Theory Says
In game theory, there is a case for this case called the “prisoner’s dilemma.” Its essence is described by a simple police story.
Let’s say there are two accomplices that the police caught at the scene of the crime. To unequivocally prove their guilt, law enforcement officers need at least one confession. The accomplices are seated in different cells and each of them is given the following conditions:
- If both refuse to cooperate with the police and remain silent, each will serve six months.
- If each confesses sincerely, both will be given two years.
- If only one is recognized, and the second remains silent, then the first will be immediately released, and the second will be soldered for ten whole years.
At first glance, it seems that the optimal strategy is to both be silent (cooperate). But that’s in theory. In practice, the prisoners do not communicate with each other, which means that each of them cannot reject the risk that the partner will give him up with giblets for the sake of personal freedom. If one is recognized, then it is better to confess the second, so as not to get the maximum term.
From a game theory point of view, in this case, the best option is to admit (that is, not to cooperate with each other). Only in this way, each player is guaranteed to minimize his possible losses.
However, there is an important but. Such a strategy – to betray and expect betrayal from a partner – is justified only if we are talking about a short-term relationship. In the “prisoner’s dilemma” the accomplices refused to cooperate and fled with minimal losses. You can make a scandal only if it is important for you to defend your rights and save your nerves (having expressed everything, you will not have to accumulate resentment and spend too much time worrying), and a joint future for you is the tenth question.
If you both plan to continue the relationship, the most beneficial is fair play, in which you repeat the actions of your partner.
That is, while he is cooperating, you cooperate, and when he stops, you in turn refuse to cooperate.
In a canceled date situation, the most rational solution proposed by game theory looks like this. You should express your dissatisfaction with the actions of the partner who canceled the rendezvous (after all, by doing so, he refused to cooperate). However, if this is followed by an apology (return to cooperation), the partner should be forgiven and forget about the annoying incident.
Как сохранить отношения надолго
“And they lived happily ever after” – some couples succeed in this trick, some do not. And here, too, the part of game theory that speaks of competent cooperation plays an important role.
How does it happen
The longer you live together, the more “prisoner’s dilemmas” you build up. You do not always understand each other, everyone has circumstances that force them to infringe on their partner in one way or another, so, alas, you cannot do without misunderstandings and offenses. What can be done so that the relationship does not collapse under this burden?
What Game Theory Says
Back in 1984, the famous American political scientist Robert Axelrod published the book The Evolution of Cooperation. In it, he formulated the most advantageous strategy for maintaining long-term business and political partnership. But Axelrod’s approach also applies to personal relationships. In general terms, the strategy looks like this:
1. Collaborate with a partner while he collaborates with you
Agree with him, go to meet him, seek compromises, trust and do not change.
2. Express dissatisfaction if cooperation ends
If the partner did not fulfill the promise given to you, unilaterally canceled the event planned by both, rude to you (your family) or deceived you in something, it is important to clearly and unequivocally voice that you are unhappy with this fact. This is a kind of manifesto: you also declare that you are ready to refuse to cooperate.
3. Goodbye
If, after your manifesto, the partner expressed a desire to return to cooperation – he apologized, corrected mistakes – also return to cooperation. In general, behave like a partner in the previous round of the game, repeat his moves.
4. Be open
For a mutually beneficial relationship, it is important that the partners understand each other’s motives and intentions. Therefore, you should not manipulate, deceive, follow, secretly read the correspondence, be offended “I will not tell you why, guess yourself” and take revenge on the sly.
The more clear and open you are, the easier it is for your partner to understand you. And understanding is the very key to the sacramental “and they lived happily ever after”, without which a happy love end is unthinkable.
