This year, farms, families and businesses have been literally left powerless after Storm Arwen wreaked havoc across the north of England. No heat, no light. Children put to bed in puffer jackets. But look! Here’s a photograph of the Foreign Secretary, Liz Truss, driving a tank in Estonia! Begging the question why aren’t there ministerial boots on the ground in Cumbria?
Bellicose complaints about the rights and wrongs of necking cheap prosecco (still? Haven’t we all moved on to Crémant de Loire yet?) in scritchy and not really that ironic novelty sweaters must ring very hollow when you’re trying to milk hundreds of Holsteins twice a day with only a single generator for electricity.
But it’s the principle of the thing. Elsewhere in these pages this week, I owned up to being an omicron agnostic who is married to a pasta-hoarding survivalist, one whose zealous determination to stay home and save lives (mostly his own) is beginning to border on the unseemly.
Which of us is right? A rhetorical question, because ask two politicians and you’ll get three answers. But there’s method in the madness.
Quite some time ago, we learned that mixed messaging, far from being a regrettable by-product of genuine disagreement in the highest echelons of clown school, is in fact a deliberate strategy by this Government.
Give enough people enough contradictory information about grave dangers and safe measures, checks and balances, rights and responsibilities, and – hey presto! – you won’t need to end free movement; citizens will be so bewildered and frightened they will voluntarily impose a curfew on themselves.
It’s deeply cynical. But also successful. Does the end justify the means? Once trust is lost in democracy and the honourable (sic) members we charge with representing us, it leaves a dangerous vacuum behind.
The trouble with – or the benefit of – sowing uncertainly among the populace is that we are left to argue among ourselves, blaming each other for activities that may or may not be recommended, depending on which Westminster source we are inclined to rely upon.
It’s an undignified cop-out on the part of Government. But attempts to shame them and specifically name them are pointless.
Top scientific adviser Dr Jenny Harries says we should limit socialising. Health Secretary Sajid Javid isn’t against a good time per se, as long as everyone tests themselves before pitching up with their six-pack of Becks or whatever it is the under-50s drink these days – oh, and maybe wear a mask to be on the safe side?
The Care Minister, Gillian Keegan, insists she wants us to keep festive plans in place. But George Freeman, Under Secretary of State for Science, has already cancelled his own department’s bash, opting for drinks on Zoom instead (such fun!).
Just as the Work and Pensions Secretary urges us not to snog under the mistletoe, Boris can’t wait to lead the conga.
So where do we draw the party line this Christmas? What I say is that, when it comes to choosing a dance partner, as long as he’s got a negative lateral flow test in his pocket, I’ll be pleased to see him.
You can read Judith Woods’s column every Thursday. Click here to read last week’s edition.
