Dear Richard, 

My flatmate’s family have told her that she’s not welcome at home this Christmas, having recently come out to them as a lesbian. My parents have generously invited her to spend the festive period with us. My brilliant mum has even been kind enough to buy her a few extra presents so she doesn’t feel left out on Christmas morning.

The issue is that some members of the family who will also be there have previously shared some less-than-positive feelings about the gay community. I don’t want to force my friend back into the closet during her first Christmas out of it, but nor do I want her to have to suffer my extended family’s possibly offensive remarks. Is there anything I can do?

– Phil, Essex

Dear Phil,

A Yes, I think there is. Call your lovely mum, lay things out for her and ask her to have a quiet but firm word with these antediluvian aunts and uncles of yours (or whatever relatives they happen to be). Of course your friend mustn’t feel she has to spend Christmas back in the closet. But I’d be surprised if anyone said anything offensive: you, and your mother, will set the tone from the off and everyone will take their cue from that.

If someone does say something of a prejudicial nature (and I repeat, I think this is very unlikely) do not let it slide. Either politely but firmly confront it then and there, or ask the offender to step out of the room for “a word”. Nip any nonsense in the bud, Phil.

Meanwhile, please wish your friend a merry Christmas from me – and tell her I’m sorry her own family have rejected her because of her sexuality. It’s their loss.

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