Believe it or not, it’s now 50 years since the invention of email. I suppose that even the most old-fashioned among us would concede that this revolution in correspondence has had one or two benefits. Unquestionably, however, it has also had one major downside.

It has enabled companies to pester us at all hours of the day and night, begging us for feedback on whatever it is we’ve bought from them.

It’s become relentless. Practically every time you order something online now, you can expect an email from the vendor, badgering you to “let us know what you thought”. It’s especially bothersome at this time of year, because most of the items we’ve ordered are presents for other people, so we’re in no position to review them even if we wanted to.

Then again, I probably shouldn’t complain. Otherwise companies will start sending emails asking us what we thought of their email asking us what we thought.

Sometimes, instead of emails, the badgering comes in the form of online pop-ups. Often in my commuting days I would open the National Rail app or website to check the latest train times, only to be immediately confronted by a pop-up asking me whether I had five minutes to leave feedback. Oddly enough, I didn’t have five minutes to leave feedback, because I was at that moment running to catch a train.

Still, it’s no use trying to fight it. The appetite for customer feedback only seems to be growing ever more remorseless. Eventually everyone will be at it. And I do mean everyone. No sooner will your morning post have arrived than you’ll hear a knock at the front door.

“Good morning, madam, I’m from the Royal Mail. I wonder whether you could spare five minutes to let us know what you thought of our service this morning. You could win a discount on the next parcel you post.”

“Well… all right. I suppose so.”

“Thank you, madam. Out of five, how would you rate the way I posted your letters through your letterbox?”

“Oh. Five, I suppose.”

“Thank you, madam. And what about the way your post landed on your doormat?”

“Er… five again?”

“Thank you, madam. And would you recommend the Royal Mail to a friend?”

“The Royal Mail?”

“Yes, madam.”

“Er… yes. I suppose. But, to be honest, it’s not something that would normally come up in conversation.”

“So you wouldn’t recommend the Royal Mail to a friend?”

“Well… look, all right. Next time I see one of my friends, I’ll recommend to them that, if they’re thinking of posting a letter, they should consider using the Royal Mail.”

“Thank you, madam. Your feedback is very important to us.”

A Liddle compromise

For the last fortnight, Durham University has been in uproar, with students demanding Professor Tim Luckhurst be fired for the crime of inviting a Right-wing newspaper columnist to give a speech to them. Thankfully, though, there is now light at the end of the tunnel. Because this week, a student who organised a protest against Prof Luckhurst said: “Either Tim leaves – or we do.”

What a gracious offer. I urge the university authorities to accept it at once. Keep Prof Luckhurst, and let all the protesters go.  

This outcome should resolve the matter to everyone’s satisfaction. If anything, the greatest beneficiaries would be the protesters. The experience of having to work for a living and converse with people who are not rabidly Left-wing should in time help them overcome their distress at hearing opinions that differ from their own. They can always return to university when they are finally equipped to cope with it – say, in 30 or 40 years’ time.

Admittedly, I suppose there is a small possibility that I have misunderstood the students’ suggestion, and they in fact have no intention of leaving. If so, Prof Luckhurst should demand that the university authorities have them sent down. After all, they are expressing opinions that he disagrees with – an action which, as the students themselves acknowledge, can have a devastatingly traumatic effect on the listener. He should sue them for all the distress caused.

Queen Elizabeth III

A couple of weeks ago Liz Truss released a photo of herself riding a tank. To many observers, it seemed uncannily as if she was trying to look like Margaret Thatcher. Now, however, the Foreign Secretary has upped the ante. Because she’s released a photo that seems designed to make her look like a figure of even greater stature than Lady T.

Her Majesty the Queen.