As I left my client’s office, I froze. My neighbour, Tim*, was standing on the other side of the street, staring at me, for the second time that week. A coincidence, some might say, but I knew otherwise. Tim, 28, didn’t work. He had no reason to be near my client’s office. He’d followed me.

For the past two years, Tim had turned up everywhere I went – often filming me. His stalking started so gradually, my husband Nick* and I didn’t notice at first. After all, Tim and his parents had lived in the Victorian terrace next door for years. We’d always exchanged pleasantries. But when Tim’s parents moved overseas, everything changed.

Tim started popping over for no reason. ‘Something’s wrong with the shared fence,’ he’d say. I’d reassure him that the fence was fine. But soon, he was knocking on the door most evenings, demanding to speak to me. Assuming he was lonely, we humoured him. But one evening, when Nick was working a night shift, there was a loud noise outside.

From our window, I could see Tim banging on our recycling bins. ‘Come out!’ he kept calling. Feeling uneasy, I ignored him and drew the living room curtains. After that, most nights when Nick left for work, I’d then hear Tim shouting outside, trying to get my attention. 

I first felt truly scared a few weeks later when I saw him standing across the street with a video camera. I called the police but was stunned when they said there wasn’t much they could do. Tim hadn’t directly threatened or physically harmed me. There was no law against filming in a public place.

So it carried on. Nick was furious and worried too. We explored every avenue to get Tim to stop. But a restraining order was out of the question. Because he was our neighbour, it would mean he wouldn’t be able to access his own home. Instead, the police advised me to change my route home from work, avoid going out alone. The onus was firmly on me to keep myself safe. I felt powerless and vulnerable.

Nick wanted to speak to Tim, but I worried any confrontation would make the situation worse. One day, after Tim had repeatedly filmed me, I lost it. I knocked on his door, shouting, ‘Leave me alone!’ I hoped that he’d realise he was upsetting me, but he didn’t even answer the door.

After that, Nick changed his shifts to be at home more. But it didn’t make any difference. Tim started turning up on the bus, outside my work, in town when I was shopping.

I stopped wanting to go out and friendships drifted. Close friends were supportive. But others treated that fact I was being stalked as a joke, making me feel paranoid. ‘How’s your stalker?’ one friend teased, over drinks. 

‘She thinks she’s Madonna or something,’ another laughed. Even I had trouble understanding why Tim had singled me out – I barely knew him. Few people understood and it was incredibly isolating.

The police were sympathetic and eventually, after I’d kept a diary and repeatedly reported Tim’s activities, they asked him to stop filming me. But he didn’t.

It came to a head in 2015. I’d barely left the house in weeks when my mum insisted on taking me for coffee. On the way home, Tim suddenly appeared. ‘Ignore him,’ I whispered to Mum. But he grabbed me by the arms. 

‘Why won’t you talk to me?’ he demanded. I yanked myself free and Mum called the police. I was shaking but also felt strangely relieved. Surely now that he’d grabbed me, the police could charge him.

They arrested Tim that day. But two weeks later, the charges were dropped. I never learnt all the details, but it seemed the Crown Prosecution Service weren’t able to pursue a conviction. I was crushed and angry. Tim vanished and days later his house went on the market. Of course, I’m relieved he’s gone from my life. But the fall-out has been profound – and I still feel traumatised.

Hearing unexpected noises is triggering. I have to actively remind myself someone walking behind me doesn’t mean they’re following me. I hadn’t appreciated how powerless victims of stalkers are, until I became one.

Improvements in the legal system are gradually being made – last year the new Stalking Protection Order enabled courts to act more quickly to ban stalkers from contacting their victims. But many cases, like mine, never make it to court. What worries me most is that Tim is still out there, somewhere, and he could be fixating on someone else.

*Names and some details have been changed. Getty Images, picture posed by model. 

As told to Bethan King