In the March of 2020, just before the country was plunged into lockdown, Lola Bute was already in turmoil; grieving her boyfriend, Kai Schachter, who had taken his own life a year before, and her friend, Ila Scheckter (daughter of former F1 champion Jody Scheckter), who had died of an accidental overdose just six months earlier, in October 2019.

She was channelling her pain into supporting mental health and addiction charities, planning a ball that would raise hundreds of thousands of pounds in the names of the loved ones she’d lost. At just 19, Lola had already experienced more tragedy in her young life than most; she couldn’t have known then that another devastating loss was just around the corner.

Lola’s father, the aristocrat and Formula 1 racing driver Johnny, Marquess of Bute, was diagnosed with leukaemia. Cruelly, the family thought for a while that he had beaten it, but shortly after Christmas he fell ill again and following a short, fierce battle, died in hospital in London in March 2021 at just 62.

When we first met at her parents’ home in north London in 2020 to discuss the ball that, naturally, was later cancelled when lockdown was called, Lola (or Lady Lola Crichton-Stuart, to give her her full title) struck me as a far cry from the Gen Z socialite stereotype. While she is strikingly beautiful, is in Tatler’s Little Black Book and has an Instagram feed filled with pictures of holidays and parties, in person she was thoughtful and serious.

She was nearly eight months sober, having recently sought help for what she referred to as the “unhealthy coping mechanisms” she reached for in the wake of her boyfriend’s shocking death. She had to decide, she told me firmly, “whether I’m going to let this ruin my life or make me stronger”. She said: “I’ve put all my energy into putting this event on and trying to raise awareness and help people so they don’t suffer in silence like [Kai] did, because the thought of anyone else feeling this pain, I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.”

Two years later, we meet again at her parents’ house in Camden. Now 22 she is finally throwing her ball and with a renewed sense of purpose – she now feels she is doing this for her beloved dad, too. “He was very proud of it,” she says, crediting Eternity (the charity she founded after Kai’s death) as having helped her to “heal and cope with my grief in a healthy way, because there are so many unhealthy ways to grieve”.