War brings blood, destruction and pain of loss. He walks the country, leaving terrible traces, painful and irreversible.

We will rebuild roads, houses, theaters, hospitals and monuments. But we will not be able to revive those who were killed in this war.

And in times of war, we need to honor the dead, mourn them and keep them in our hearts.

Because our grief for the lost is a healing force, a manifestation of love for them.

Forty days have passed since the beginning of Russia’s full-scale invasion of Ukraine. There are more than 40 days of war in the 8-year war, which lasts for centuries.

Forty days is an important step in mourning. To create a space within us all to place important memories, important people in our hearts, and to live with them.

Because death interrupts life, but does not interrupt love and relationships with our loved ones.

And our task is to give ourselves space to mourn: as much as we need.

All our lives we face the loss and living of these losses: we miss toys, friends in kindergarten, old house, memories … We all constantly face sadness and grief, which carries important things from around to our hearts.

Living loss is a natural process that should not be disturbed.

His task is to find his way through grief to be with those who are valuable to us, and to move on with his life, to carry his people with warmth and light. Live the loss, but do not lose the love.

But in times of war, things can be different. Because the pain of war is not natural.

There should be no such deaths. People are still dying all over the country who still have to live happily ever after. It is painful and difficult to invest in reality.

There is too much pain around us. There are too many deaths around us. There is too much stress and traumatic events for the psyche to cope with at its own pace. We lack the resources and mental space to envelop all that pain to allow it to germinate with warmth and bright memories.

There is not enough time to live in grief. We need to be united, to seek security, to fight the enemy – we need so much here and now that there is not enough time and energy left to live. We are in a hurry, we are being urged that it is time to move on as much as possible. And we do not have time.

We have no one to share our pain with, because we are far from everyone and everyone has their problems, because it is not on time, because we do not want to overload our own. Because others do not understand, cannot support, do worse in their own words. Because we may face condemnation and devaluation.

During war, it is not always possible to say goodbye, bury, see the body of loved ones, and the brain refuses to believe, let go, mourn and return to his heart human warmth.

Many avoid any memories of the dead. And then we lose that connection, that warmth, those bright memories, support and the opportunity to live this pain and give a place to loved ones in our lives.

And then, instead of the natural path that turns burning pain into warm sorrow, we get blocked, relentless pain.

Instead of the natural grief that heals wounds, pain can turn into depression, constant sadness, helplessness, ignorance around and unwillingness to live on.

Many people think that the process of overcoming grief is when grief and pain decrease and the person stops thinking about the dead. But in reality this is not the case. Memories and grief for lost loved ones do not decrease, but we increase ourselves, weaving memories with strength, warmth and love. People and memories of them remain with us, with sorrow for the lost, with the light of the gained, with regret for the past and joy of what we experienced together. These people are with us forever. And we must live on, with the memory of them, so as not to lose them in ourselves, with values and light.

The grieving process is twofold: mourning for loved ones and living with them in your heart.

There are no stages, no clear steps, this is a process that constantly combines time for the past and time for the future. Because we survived, and we need to act and live for ourselves and for them.

Cry if you cry. Because with tears we wash the wounds of the soul, cleansing and opening a place for light and warm memories.

Take your time. Take time to mourn. There can be no “a month has passed, as far as you can remember.” You can do as much as you need.

But set aside time for your life, because we have to live no matter how much heaven falls. Do not plunge headlong into the past and burn grief. Give yourself time and place on the mountain. And don’t forget to live the rest of the time.

Make a farewell ritual. Funerals are an important process for integrating loss. If this is not possible, you can create your own: light a candle, plant a tree, make a boat and launch it, write letters … something that will symbolize for you to say goodbye to the person in this life.

Share your emotions with others. Mourning is always too much for one, it is always divided into community. Connect with those who may be with you. These can be relatives, friends, acquaintances and psychologists. Remember the bright, warm moments you experienced. Share the goodness, strength, care, protection, love, faith that you have found by communicating, living with those who are no more. Find life in death, find love in the heart.

Take care of simple things around you and your loved ones. Simple everyday tasks. Big dreams that will light up the image of important people who have passed away from this life. Find strength and resources in everyday life.

Talk to your loved ones, tell them what kind of support you need . Many want to help, but do not know how. The words “do not worry” will not help, so tell me how best? Just keep quiet together? Make a favorite cake according to the recipe of a loved one? Take things in stride? Hug and say how painful and important it is? Help in everyday life? Take on organizational tasks? Help to live on and move forward, not forgetting those who died?

Our task is to find red threads to weave a black pattern, to fill our lives with the warmth and support of those who are now with us forever. And live on.

For no matter how painful it may be, we must live on to prevent the inhuman from destroying the human. That light overcomes darkness. To unite and protect living hearts.

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