The war continues. And in this war, every mother must save herself and save her children, physically and mentally.

Many went with their children away from home. In safer regions of Ukraine or abroad. Thousands of mothers with children, without a husband, without a home, without the usual routine, without the usual kindergarten, school.

Many people stayed at home, without a sense of security, without peace and again – without the usual life, without the usual school, without a firm foothold.

Every mother must find – it is not known where and how – an inexhaustible supply of strength to protect their little ones. To protect them from all the pain that is happening around.

Children are a mirror of the emotional reactions of parents and adults nearby. Therefore, the first thing parents need to do is wear oxygen masks. Stabilize your own emotional state.

Take care of your protection and support. Because all other advice on proper support for children in times of war is based on this first truth: first you need to give strength and resources to the mother so that she has something to support the child. The mother must first be rooted so that she can be a support to others.

To contain children’s emotions, the mother needs a place in her own emotional container.

We have already written in previous publications how to deal with strong emotions, how to support yourself when events knock you off your feet.

Now we propose to turn to the power of our imagination: to look for strength and resources in the past – in the power of a kind, in the future – in their values and in the present – in their actions.

Remember that you are a great force.

You are much bigger than you think. Behind you, behind your shoulders – hundreds and hundreds of women of your family who lived before you, who were for the future and for you. That they were able to survive and give you the spark of life. Imagine them as wide wings behind your back, as deep roots under your feet. Feel the power of all your women flowing to you, filling and enabling you to survive and move on. Feel your strongest, the warmth and love of your loved ones, the knowledge of your wisest. Remember those who went through hard times and coped. They are your strength and support, they are always with you. As well as their ability to overcome various obstacles in their path. Feel your gratitude and support.

You are a whole planet. And you have where to put your emotions and the emotions of your children.

Remember your values .

Find your immovable beacons on the way forward. Our dreams, our plans can change and collapse. Our values never disappear. Write what is valuable for you to do in life? Values are always about action.

To love and care for your family, to live in freedom, to bring beauty to the world, to be human … what is valuable to you that you do all your life, sometimes without even noticing, because it is your nature?

No matter where we are, no matter what changes in our lives, we can always rely on our values. Because freedom can be kept even in the basements of bomb shelters, because we are fighting for it, because we have the inner strength of freedom, because we have the freedom to choose what to think, what to want, and what future to do for our children. Because we can always realize our values of caring for loved ones, for those around us, and those who are at a distance, in a word, hugs, a cup of tea or silence.

Find out why you do everything you always do. And find a way to act now, wherever you are, with the circumstances that exist.

Remember what you need now .

Take care of your sleep as much as possible. If it is impossible to sleep all night, set the alarm for 5-15 minutes during the day – lie down with your eyes closed.

Remind yourself of warm water, because we forget to drink and stress dehydrates. About food. About clean hands, head and teeth.

Find time and space to be for yourself, not for the children. At least two minutes: close your eyes, exhale slowly, find peace.

When you can’t sleep and you are tired, set the alarm for 2-3 minutes, lie down on the floor or bed, put your feet on the wall and close your eyes to reboot.

Don’t try to pretend to be an iron robot or an ideal person. You have a right to feelings and emotions.

And teach by your example not only to recognize emotions, but also to cope with them:

Ask for help and support from those around you. Girlfriend, neighbor, school, kindergarten. If you are too emotionally exhausted and frustrated with your child, be alone with your child as little as possible. Go out in public, invite those who do not need to “bring beauty”, and you can just be yourself.

Involve children. The most important thing we can get after the war is a huge layer of people with a sense of helplessness. Give children the opportunity to do something for them, to have their share of responsibility in life. Carry a bag, wash a cup, make sandwiches, watch a toy … from the age of 2 a child can do something on their own or with your help.

Don’t demand the unbelievable from yourself and your child. Children in stress often regress, “fall into childhood” to take a step back – it’s normal, it will pass, do not argue about it, give a little more physical contact and gradually return to normal routines.

Routines are our everything. If possible, create a convenient, clear schedule of the day and stick to it. Don’t turn your day into an Olympics of achievement. Simple, preferably familiar to the war, routines – the best support for the psyche of the child and mother.

Have something in common with the child and personally: this is my cup, I do not like when others drink from it, you have your own. And this is your bed, in it you sleep at night alone, but in the morning you can come to me, I will hug you very, very tightly.

If the parent is close – share parenting responsibilities, you really need help, and the child – the participation of both parents. If he is far from you – call when possible, it is very important that the father stays in touch with the child, tells his stories, is interested in your life and does not disappear.

If you feel that you are not coping and you need support – be sure to consult a specialist. Sometimes one meeting of a child with a child psychologist gives incredible relief to everyone. One conversation of a mother with a specialist gives her the resource to cope for months.

Take care of yourself and your children.

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