War. What is it good for? Absolutely nothing. Apart, it would seem, from providing the opportunity for outrageous narcissism on social media.
As nightmarish events unfold in Ukraine the West is bitterly divided between those fundraising, lobbying for tougher sanctions and providing support for a beleaguered citizenry – and those whose first instinct is to share their toe-curling poetry, banal platitudes and tone-deaf political pensees on Twitter.
“Dear Vladimir Putin, I’m sorry I wasn’t your mother,” American actress AnnaLynne McCord begins her verse. Please look away now if you don’t want to punch your fist through a glass door. What follows makes actress Gal Gadot’s woeful celebrity rendition of Imagine during Covid sound like Fauré’s Requiem.
“If I was your mother / The world would have been warm / So much laughter and joy / Nothing would harm,” emotes McCord. She is 34 with wide eyes and a bed-head of blonde hair. The Russian leader is 69 and is bombing hospitals and threatening nuclear war.
She continues: “I can’t imagine the stain/The soul-stealing pain/ That the little boy, you, must have seen.” This brought forth pastiches, most notably from ex-US military veteran @katebarstool: “If I were your mother you wouldn’t have to invade Ukraine/instead we’d splash through puddles on the driveway in the rain”.
Acerbically amusing under different circumstances. But not as hellfire is raining down.
Elsewhere we have American presenter Andy Cohen who mocked up a Wordle screenshot on Instagram. A single word: PEACE. Bafflingly, not one letter was green so peace obviously isn’t the answer. Oops. Meanwhile, on this side of the Atlantic, race campaigners are blaming the West for everything and Remainers are using the horrific conflict as an excuse to bellyache about Brexit.
Seriously? Do we have to do this now? Isn’t there – literally – a bigger battle to fight? Meanwhile there are blue and yellow flags and “I heart Ukraine” hashtags strewn across cyberspace. This sort of virtue-signalling is just 21st century handwringing.
The question remains; why oh why do people do this? Other than due to an overinflated sense of self-importance? The myth at the heart of the metaverse is that because every individual now has a voice, every individual voice now matters. No, it doesn’t. Never did. Never will.
It’s why President Volodymyr Zelensky publicly thanked the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge for their words of solidarity and didn’t mention the sentiments expressed by the Duke and Duchess of Sussex. No big deal. Although possibly to Harry and Meghan; they alone know that overlooking ex-royals is not a victimless crime.
Then there’s head of MI6 Richard Moore, heavily criticised for jumping on the bandwagon in order to wave entirely the wrong banner: “With the tragedy and destruction unfolding so distressingly in Ukraine, we should remember the values and hard-won freedoms that distinguish us from Putin, none more than LGBT+ rights.”
Wow. Tell that to the children of Kyiv hiding in the basement.
Forgive my moral relativism but I’m with the Red Cross on this one. Dig deep, send cash, do something that makes a difference. To paraphrase Zelensky, who announced he didn’t need a ride, he needed ammunition; the people of Ukraine don’t need your emojis, they need your aid.
