Back in the day, behind the closed doors of Oscars parties I attended, I witnessed Hollywood behaving badly first-hand. I saw top actresses who had sub-careers as health gurus and published best-selling clean living bibles chain-smoking Marlboro Lights. I heard these stars bitching about the female co-stars they would declare their “sisters from another mister” in front of an auditorium, and watched happily married male actors ogle the scantily clad ingenues in the room as they knocked back the booze. And I thought to myself: if you could only do this in public, let the halo-topped mask slip just a little, people might care again.

Only these 0.0001 percentiles had been given a different memo. Don’t forget that they pretend to be other people for a living, so when it came to the biggest event in the Hollywood calendar, the brief was always the same: be the best-behaved star there. Be woketastic, earnest, militant, respectful; politically motivated and charged. Wear the all-black that has been agreed upon by those controlling publicists, the blue #WithRefugees ribbon, the armband, the flower, the pin – whatever it is that demonstrates your support for the cause of the day, and that you are a good person.